Distance

It’s hard to believe it has almost been six months since I’ve written here. I think that, after losing Maddie, I was afraid even thinking about focusing on grief would break what little bit of sanity I’ve held on to. Yet here I am, edging closer to the 5-year anniversary of Andy’s death and the 1-year anniversary of Maddie’s death. My mind continues to function, although I’m not quite sure how.

I do fully intend to attend a Worldwide Candle Lighting Ceremony this year, but it’s different. This year I will light two candles. Two beautiful children’s names will flash on the screen, and two beautiful little faces will decorate the memory tables. I’m not sure I can take dealing with two.

So that’s why I’ve been absent from the world of grief blogging. Dealing with the loss of both my children overcomes me when I try to look directly at it, with no filter in place.