Since Andy died, I’ve only been to one funeral. Funerals aren’t pleasant for anyone, of course, but they seem even more difficult after you’ve lost a child. Stepping into a funeral parlor is like stepping back in time. My mind flashes back, and I see Andy’s and Alan’s coffins clear as day. I hear the priest (Alan was Anglican) reading the funeral rites. I feel the searing pain coming back vividly. And I don’t want to put myself through that. Maybe it’s a selfish thought, but it’s how I truly feel.
A dear friend of mine lost his mother on Thursday. She was 94, and her death was expected. I know that doesn’t make it easier and is no comfort at all to my friend, and I would *never* say those things to him. It makes sense, though. His mother died first. She died peacefully after a very long, full life. Andy died in a horrible car crash, having lived only eight years.
Tomorrow is my friend’s mother’s funeral, and I’m just not sure I can attend. I feel guilty for not being able to stand by him through this, but I also know he is part of a very large family and will certainly not be alone. Since my son’s death, it’s hard for me to console even those I love with all my heart. I do what I can, but sometimes that’s nothing at all.
Anyone else find it difficult or impossible to attend funerals or comfort grieving people who have not lost a child?
Little Stars Lost 